Today, I was motivated to diligently study the word of God. I caught myself exchanging thoughts with a friend (via fb) about false teachings.
How sad it is to know the truth that there are many being deceived, even inside the church. I am concerned by those people who wanted to "repackage" scriptures just because of fear that it will become "too heavy" to those who will hear.
My heart just wants to shake their heads!! What are they thinking? Of course it will pierce the audience's heart because the word of God is a double edged sword! Is that coming from a heart of fearing man?
It is sad to see them growing in numbers but being preached by someone who present the word out of context. I pray that this person will be put to stopped and for tbe flock to be protected.
And as for me, it pushes me to persevere.
I'm on my 2nd wk of my 2-months Bed Rest and I came to a point that somehow I feel "panicky" (also known as naloloka-of-not-doing-anything). My life right now is the complete opposite of my lifestyle 2 weeks ago. I feel that my body is getting weak due to lack of movement. Maybe I'm depressed?
No matter how i communicate the boredom that I do have to anyone, I get responses that felt like that they do not get me.
I came to the Lord for help. I cried out to God on how to be still in the midst of stillness, quietness, silence. And I know that He's the only one who can understand my deepest need. The Lord then lead me to these verses in Psalm 23. V1. The Lord is my shepherd. I shall not want. V2. He makes me lie down in green pastures; he leads me beside still waters
"The Lord is my shepherd" - my carer, my leader... I have nothing to worry about because He is always with me. He is always one-step ahead of me, & always there to attend & take care of my utmost need.
"I shall not want" - my only desire, my utmost desire.
I shall not want anything & find contentment only in Him no matter what the circumstances are.
"He makes me" - even if I do not agree or feel likr doing so, He makes me, puts me in a place that is good for me. Where I am right now is the greener pasture.
"Lie down" - he settles me, puts me to rest if I needed to. And right now, this my body & the baby needs this.
"He leads me" - where He is leading me, there shall I find peace & refreshment.
Indeed, the Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. God assures me that this is His leading & it is good for me. He is reminding me that he is my shepherd & there's nothing I should desire above Him. And if there is any, this is His way of putting me on the right track.
Last May 10, during our monthly check-up with our OB-GYN, the doctor told us something I did not see coming.
Dra: "Ano bang work mo?"
Me: "uhm.. " (thinking on how to explain what i do. I just said..) ".. sa Unilever po."
Dra: "You should take at least 2 months bed rest"
Me: "ha?" (I didnt capture what she said. It's like a blur or something)
Then the Dra explained that my placenta is totally covering my cervix (which I already knew from last week's ultrasound result. And thanks to google, I was able to understand it *somehow).
She continued talking but it seems like my mind cant keep up with her. A lot is going through my head now.
Dra: "blah blah... we have to take the baby out. Ayaw naman natin yun kasi kasalanan yun",
(Waaaiit! bakit may ganitong usapan na?)
I shared to Dra that I've been having brown discharge at the end of the day after work (since this is my 1st pregnancy, I dont know if that's considered as "spotting" already). She said that my body is tired already & I am prone to bleeding. I need to have less physical movements until my placenta moves up. After 2 months, we will have our ultrasound again. Then we'll see what happens next.
At first, it felt like I was not in the right state of mind. Maybe I was shocked. The 1st sunday I cried during the worship service as the song reminds me that our praises goes to God even if he allows the bad things in life. I cried because our baby doesn't deserve a mommy who is more worried with work & is having a hard time to obey. God is slowing me down & putting me on the right track as he prepares me to be a mom. He is indeed faithful with his promise to me that He will teach me how to raise a child before I got married.
I'm on my 16th day now of bed rest. The first week, I was working at home preparing the turnovers to my boss, assts & colleagues. My boss took my laptop so I will not be tempted to work & they will be able to manage the work I will be leaving. I'm blessed with supportive teammates & having unlimited sick leave so our expenses will be covered as well. The 2nd week was rough as it sinks in the sudden change of my routine, social life & lifestyle (will talk about that more in the coming days).
I pray that in this new journey that I am in will be ever so productive with God's grace. Hope you can include me & baby in your prayers.
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