Friday, 30 May 2014

The 12th Day: One Desire

May 24, 2014

I'm on my 2nd wk of my 2-months Bed Rest and I came to a point that somehow I feel "panicky" (also known as naloloka-of-not-doing-anything). My life right now is the complete opposite of my lifestyle 2 weeks ago. I feel that my body is getting weak due to lack of movement. Maybe I'm depressed?

No matter how i communicate the boredom that I do have to anyone, I get responses that felt like that they do not get me.

I came to the Lord for help. I cried out to God on how to be still in the midst of stillness, quietness, silence. And I know that He's the only one who can understand my deepest need. The Lord then lead me to these verses in Psalm 23.
V1. The Lord is my shepherd. I shall not want.
V2. He makes me lie down in green pastures; he leads me beside still waters

"The Lord is my shepherd" - my carer, my leader... I have nothing to worry about because He is always with me. He is always one-step ahead of me, & always there to attend & take care of my utmost need.

"I shall not want" - my only desire, my utmost desire.
I shall not want anything & find contentment only in Him no matter what the circumstances are.

"He makes me" - even if I do not agree or feel likr doing so, He makes me, puts me in a place that is good for me. Where I am right now is the greener pasture.

"Lie down" - he settles me, puts me to rest if I needed to. And right now, this my body & the baby needs this.

"He leads me" - where He is leading me, there shall I find peace & refreshment.

Indeed, the Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. God assures me that this is His leading & it is good for me. He is reminding me that he is my shepherd & there's nothing I should desire above Him. And if there is any, this is His way of putting me on the right track.

Wednesday, 28 May 2014

2 Months Bed Rest

Last May 10, during our monthly check-up with our OB-GYN, the doctor told us something I did not see coming.

Dra: "Ano bang work mo?"
Me: "uhm.. " (thinking on how to explain what i do. I just said..) ".. sa Unilever po."
Dra: "You should take at least 2 months bed rest"
Me: "ha?" (I didnt capture what she said. It's like a blur or something)

Then the Dra explained that my placenta is totally covering my cervix (which I already knew from last week's ultrasound result. And thanks to google, I was able to understand it *somehow).
She continued talking but it seems like my mind cant keep up with her. A lot is going through my head now.

Dra: "blah blah... we have to take the baby out. Ayaw naman natin yun kasi kasalanan yun",
Me: "ha?!"
(Waaaiit! bakit may ganitong usapan na?)

I shared to Dra that I've been having brown discharge at the end of the day after work (since this is my 1st pregnancy, I dont know if that's considered as "spotting" already). She said that my body is tired already & I am prone to bleeding. I need to have less physical movements until my placenta moves up. After 2 months, we will have our ultrasound again. Then we'll see what happens next.

*Placenta Previa*

At first, it felt like I was not in the right state of mind. Maybe I was shocked. The 1st sunday I cried during  the worship service as the song reminds me that our praises goes to God even if he allows the bad things in life. I cried because our baby doesn't deserve a mommy who is more worried with work & is having a hard time to obey. God is slowing me down & putting me on the right track as he prepares me to be a mom. He is indeed faithful with his promise to me that He will teach me how to raise a child before I got married.

I'm on my 16th day now of bed rest. The first week, I was working at home preparing the turnovers to my boss, assts & colleagues. My boss took my laptop so I will not be tempted to work & they will be able to manage the work I will be leaving. I'm blessed with supportive teammates & having unlimited sick leave so our expenses will be covered as well. The 2nd week was rough as it sinks in the sudden change of my routine, social life & lifestyle (will talk about that more in the coming days).

I pray that in this new journey that I am in will be ever so productive with God's grace. Hope you can include me & baby in your prayers.

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