Friday, 2 May 2008

Pulled Out (a.k.a "Pinalayas")

1st day of the month & I already experienced what I didn't expect to experience.

Is there a moment in your life wherein the scenario becomes ala telenovela or ala "maalaala mo kaya"? I have tons of those moments. & this post is about one of those.
(start your imagination engine..)

I was kicked out by my loving bf... literally pulled me out of his house.

I said I was sorry & was trying to ooze the uhmm.. hurt that he felt. He then gave me the look that says... well all the hate words that you could think of. But that didn't stop me from making "suyo". He keeps on walking away from me as I follow him around his house. Finally, I stopped. He continue his line that I should go home coz its gabi na. I didn't move from where I'm at. He grabbed my bag and car key. Looked at me, doing his line that I should go home. Then went outside. I didn't followed him. When that didn't worked. He pulled my hand as I tried to reach him to make suyo. But he pulled my hands, arms to get me out of his pad. I fought back & forced him not to. Then it hit me. Does he really wanted me out that bad? Ano ba to? Ouch naman to para kaming mga bata. We looked like idiots doing the tug-o-war.
"Pinapalayas mo ba ako?"
I forgot what what he replied. But I assumed he said yes. He stopped, went outside and I followed him. As I looked for my things (bag & car key), he directed me to where he placed it and OPEN their gate WIDE!! The hell!! But I didn't move. He puffs his cigar in front me, knowing that that would make me upset. But I didn't do my usual walk out scene. He continued to smoke and I held my breath. I felt disrespected and in a way, humiliated. When that didn't made me go out, he left and went inside the house. I started to cry and think and talk to myself. What is this? Why is this happening to me? to us? I want to crush him! It was just a joke. Did what I said that bad?? It wasn't the 1st time that I said that. SO I expected him to joke back. I am so mad at him! I want to break up with him!! Sigh! Who am I kidding? As if I wanted that to happen. It'll only make things worst. I just wanted him to listen and to stop acting like a kid. This thing never happened before. Does this mean I aint just walking out his house but his life??

I held back my anger.
After talking to myself inside my head, he suddenly appeared. And in that instance, I felt i lost my sense, failed to control myself and eventually walk out. The very fact that I felt humiliated & that he made an effort to upset and drive me away by smoking & other stuffs, made me just walk away.

I thought he followed me. But he didn't. I cried inside my car. Paused. And then realized that nobody is going to after me. I have no choice but to go.

Then I parked somewhere in the neighborhood, contemplating what to text. Will I break up with him? After 7yrs? Will I nag at him? Will I tell to him my side? My argument? I just ended up saving all those to my drafts. I decided to think all about while I drive home. It's good that nothing happened to me since my mind is obviously not on the road.

How do I end this post? Oh well, I just send a message that I am sorry. Why bother explaining to him? He won't listen. Besides, in a way, it is my fault. I thought I already knew him. I was wrong. I know we aren't perfect for each other. But I'm not sure if I could face tomorrow knowing he won't be there. It's hard. & that sucks! Whatever things or reasons there may be, point is... I've been in love for this guy for a long time, and there's no doubt I'm still is. tsk!


desperate blogger said...

when i guy acts that way, it's time to move on. i have no inkling what your quarrel was all about but trust me: a gut who literally pulls and push you away ( aftyer 7 yrs of relationship) means he's just not into you anymore. i've been there. syempre the suyo worked for a while as majority of guys are decent. but later .. well.. kung ayaw na nya. you can't do anything about it. it will be a different story if he goes to you banging your door and asking for forgiveness... anyway..

i dropped by to tell you to update my url to

claire said...

i can feel your pain, dear. i hope in the end, you and your bf would patch things up.. don't lose hope for HE abides.. just trust HIM. :)

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